Introduction
I’m going to start this post with a disclaimer. Some followers of the Mormon Mom Tok influencers might tell me that I’m judgmental and that I’m not being kind. Apparently I have no right to defend my church, it’s members and it’s beliefs. However, because these creators have a public account with apparently 9,000,000 viewers—according to the Hulu trailer—and because they are participating in a reality show discussing their personal lives, anyone has a right to respond and make judgements. If you don’t want judgement, then don’t shout your sins from the rooftops. Don’t cast your fake pearls before the swine. Oof. Those last comments were harsh. My apologies.
On September 6, 2024 Hulu Originals is going to release a reality show called: The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. A commenter noted that it will spark conversations of modern Mormon life like never before.
Before I start my unkind judgements, I would like to point out something about using the name “Mormon.” That these women call themselves Mormon tells you something. Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who keep their covenants and abide by the LDS church’s teachings and standards, do not publicly refer to themselves as Mormons. I will use the term LDS Church and LDS members because I will be referring to the church and it’s members often.
One thing I have noticed is that when President Russell M. Nelson, our current prophet, asked us to refer to ourselves as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or as Latter-day Saints, or even as an LDS member, it created a division. People who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and who refer to themselves as that, are generally active, covenant keeping members of the LDS Church. They adhere to the standards and the teachings of the LDS church.
Some people who still refer to themselves as Mormons publicly—in the news and entertainment industry, or on social media outlets—are generally either not keeping their covenants that they made with the Lord, and are not adhering to the standards or teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or they have left the church altogether. And the news and entertainment outlets who refer to the LDS Church as the Mormon Church, or who refers to it’s members as Mormons, are generally not friendly toward the Latter-Day Saint Church or it’s members.
Is the content anti-LDS or against what the LDS church teaches? Just look at what the creators call themselves. I don’t believe that this is a generalization either. I have heard other LDS members make the same observation.
Sound Byte Definition
I will now address some of the sound bytes from the HULU trailer marketing the reality show, and some of the statements made on some of the Mormon Mom Tok social media posts.
“A sound byte is a short, catchy piece of video, audio, or speech chosen to give the essence of what you are saying and arouse interest in the full-length source. It’s widely used in journalism, politics, and marketing to define headlines.” https://snov.io/glossary/sound-byte/
Basically a sound byte tries to get your attention. In this case, Hulu is marketing the reality show as being scintillating and scandalous. Honestly, if Hulu were to create an accurate show about the real lives of Latter-Day Saint women, it would be boring. They would have no viewers. Well, they may have LDS viewers. But Hulu wants to make money and the show’s producers want celebrity and notoriety. So do the Mom Tok Creators. After all, two of the trailer’s sound bytes is one of the creators exclaiming “We are breaking the norm.” And “Who is currently the breadwinner at home? All of us.”
The Handmaid’s Tale?
Before I start with the sound bytes, I would like to address the first scene of the show’s trailer. The members of the Mormon Mom Tok group are standing in front of the old Provo Temple, all wearing the same blue overcoat and holding hands. If you are familiar with American societal culture, the phrase Handmaid’s Tale may have come to your mind upon seeing this image, like it did mine. My guess is that the producers of the show are trying to convey that the creators of Mormon Mom Tok live in a subculture that is comparable to that in the story of the Handmaid’s Tale. I read the book The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood years ago while I was attending university. It’s a compelling story written by a very talented writer. However, the subculture of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is in no way like that portrayed in the book The Handmaid’s Tale. It is a ridiculous assertion.
The Trailer’s Sound Bytes
Sound Byte: “I love the Mormon Church, but there are a lot of rules to follow.”
First, let’s change the synonym from rule to either commandments, standards, principles or precepts. After all those are the synonyms that the Lord uses. He doesn’t ask his followers to follow his rules. He asks his followers to obey his commandments.
The number of so called rules to follow in the LDS Church perhaps depends on the covenants you have made with the Lord. If you have only made baptismal covenants, then you are expected to live what is probably considered basic Christian religious rules. If you choose to make temple covenants, then yes, there is more that the Lord asks of you, which is fair. But each individual chooses how many commandments, standards, principles and precepts they wish to follow. The gospel of Jesus Christ is centered on agency.
Sound Byte: “In the Mormon religion we’re very conservative.”
Who is very conservative? You? Good for you. However, not every active American Latter-Day Saint is a Republican and considered conservative. And not every LDS member the world over is considered conservative in their country. That is a generalization. There is a very wide spectrum that conservative and liberal viewpoints sit on. Conservatism and liberalism are not black and white belief systems. People tend to frame beliefs in a black and white worldview. But in reality it doesn’t exist.
And what is conservative to one person is not necessarily conservative to another person. That goes for liberalism too. In Utah I might be considered liberal. Outside of Utah, definitely conservative. It’s all relative.
Sound Byte: “We were raised to be housewives to these men serving their every desires.”
Just because the Mom Tok women were raised to be housewives serving a man’s every desire, it does not mean that every Latter-day Saint woman was raised that way.
If someone were to tell my husband that I serve his every desire, he would laugh at them. Let me think, what is an example of me fulfilling one of my husband’s desires. Oh wait, I have one. I fulfill his desire to golf because I allow it. Does that count? And believe me ladies, I know women who don’t allow their husbands to golf.
If I knew that my sons expected their wives to meet their every desire I would literally kick their butts and side with their wives. Not that their wives would put up with it anyway. LDS women are “not” taught that they are to meet their husband’s every desire. It’s a laughable claim.
Education
Personally I was raised to further my education after high school. My mother was a Registered Nurse. She met my father, who was in his medical school residency, at the hospital they both worked at. They married after my mother had graduated from university and had begun her nursing career. By the way, to give perspective, they were married in 1953. Oh, and my mother was not considered unattractive and therefore un-marriageable. She was a very beautiful, classy, intelligent 25 year old woman when she married my father. And she was raised in a pioneer stock LDS home.
I have four sisters. All of my sisters attended college and/or university and graduated with degrees. Personally I attended a junior college where I received an Associates Degree, and I attended university where I received a Bachelor of Science Degree. I married about one year before I graduated with my university degree. To give perspective, I graduated from high school in 1983, and I was raised in Salt Lake City, Utah.
My children are around the ages of the Mormon Mom Tok influencers. We have taught them to further their education after high school. My older daughter graduated from university with a major and two minor degrees. She was in the process of applying to Law School when she was offered a killer job at a bio-tech company. All of this happened while she was married. My second daughter is attending university as a junior this year in a landscape design program. One of my daughter-in-laws is in a user-experience design program at university. My other daughter-in-law attended college and has two different degrees. The story is similar with my sister-in-laws, my nieces and my LDS friend’s and associates and their daughters.
Sound Byte: “Have your kids by the time you’re 21, or in my case, 16.”
As my mother would say “Oh, for Pete’s Sake!” My mother was 27 when she had her first child. My sisters were 27, 35, 29, and 26 when they had their first child. I was 28. My older daughter is 28, she does not yet have a child. One daughter in law is 28. She does not yet have a child. My other daughter in law had her first child at age 25. My family’s situation is not an anomaly in the LDS church either. I know many LDS women who have similar stories.
And having a baby at age 16? Hulu is trying to make it sound like this creator was told by the LDS Church to have a baby at age 16. That is laughable. My guess is that she became pregnant out of wedlock at age 16 and was told—or chose herself—to keep her baby, as opposed to putting the baby up for adoption. There is no shame in choosing to keep her baby. Again, it all goes back to agency. The gospel of Jesus Christ is about agency. Maybe this creator did marry at age 16 and then had a baby. But that is an anomaly. It is not a typical scenario for an LDS young woman. To say otherwise is disingenuous.
Sound Byte: “And I’m like F this.”
F what? Is someone telling you what to do? Who is telling you what to do? Why are you giving your personal authority over to someone else? That is your personal problem. That is not the LDS Church’s problem. Stop blaming your life choices on someone else and take control of your own life. And you could say, dear reader, that’s not what she is saying. Perhaps, but that is what HULU is implying.
In one Tik Tok post someone asked this creator if she wears garments and she replied that she has not been endowed or sealed in the temple and that what is most important to her is to be kind to others. Again, what is she complaining about then? Remember when I talked about covenants and that if you make covenants in the temple the Lord asks more of you? Among other things she will not be expected to live the law of chastity, attend her church meetings, pay her tithing, or keep the Word of Wisdom in order to attend the temple. Please, someone help me understand what she is complaining about. She could join any other Christian church at this point and have the same supposed restrictions.
Sound Byte: “We are breaking the norm. We are trying to change the stigma of gender roles in the Mormon culture.”
Okay, tell that to the many LDS women who are attorneys, medical doctors, nurses, business executives, business owners, university professors, school teachers, therapists, ad nauseam. I hate to tell you ladies this, but they have already changed the stigma of gender roles in the LDS Church. You are too late to the party.
Sound Byte: “I need you to twerk your ass off.”
Please ladies, break the cultural norms of the LDS Church so that all of us repressed LDS women can twerk our asses off. I’ve been waiting my entire life to do that. And I bet LDS women in other countries throughout the world would agree with me on that. Cue the sarcasm. News Flash. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is not just a Utah or American church anymore. It’s a worldwide church with millions and millions of members located in multiple countries. Not everyone wishes to embrace hedonistic western culture.
Sound Bytes: “And then it just turned into this, everyone is swinging with each other;” “No one is innocent, everyone has hooked up with everyone;” Mom Tok’s definition of soft swinging: “It was like swapping with each other, standing next to each other.”
I don’t think that this is one of the women’s secrets, as it is addressed on the Mormon Mom Tok account. The second sound byte in this example is from a Tik Tok post.
In one Mom Tok post the creator points to words above the group that reads “When he is your friend’s husband.” Then all the women in the group start to twerk. Is that when it turned into everyone swinging with each other?
Just because a couple engages in gross activities, or an individual breaks a commandment, it doesn’t mean that every member of that church engages in the same behavior or that the church they belong to is not legitimate.
It all goes back to agency. Are you going to choose to follow Jesus Christ and obey his commandments, like he has asked his followers to do? It is your choice. But remember, there are consequences. God is merciful, but he also requires justice.
And honestly, I can’t think of anything more disgusting and demeaning than kissing—and doing who knows what else—with another man while your husband is standing next to you. What the hell? Actually, I would feel like I was in hell. And are we surprised that soft swinging turned into full swinging and then to adultery? It’s a predictable progression.
Sound Byte: “Now there is a fight for Mom Tok. The drama is now with the husbands. It feels like they are stuck in another era and it’s starting to tear the group apart.”
You mean the husbands are stuck in an idea that a healthy couple is a cohesive entity based on love and trust? Last I checked, that is not unique to Latter-Day Saints. That is a basic tenet of a healthy relationship. Someone that you’re supposedly building a life with, and that you have children with, comes second to a group of women? What if the tables were turned and you came second to his group of guy friends? Either way it’s a marriage killer, regardless of religion.
Sound Byte: ”There are so many secrets, lies and gossip.”
Sounds like a group of women that I would love to be a part of. Cue the sarcasm. But really, even when I was in my twenties, no thank you. Life is too short for such needless nonsense.
Conclusion
Perhaps I am being a bit judgmental and unkind in my responses, but honestly, I am very tired of others trying to define who I am based on my religion; trying to tell the world who my family, friends, neighbors, and associates are based on their religion. Stop telling the world that we are what we are not. Go make your fame and fortune some other way. Leave the rest of us out of it.
Although, I suppose that my response is coming from the viewpoint of a mother. If my children were to publicly make similar ridiculous statements and engage in similar behavior exhibited in this trailer and in the Mormon Mom Tok posts, honestly, I don’t even know how I would react. Probably write a response like this.
By the way: Here is a link to a perfect Come Follow Me lesson from Jared Halverson that addresses all of the themes and rhetoric at the core of this reality show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=olu0GElO4jo&t=2083s
